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John James, founder of The Grief Recovery Institute

John W. James

Founder of The Grief Recovery Institute®
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve


Ask The Grief Experts

Punishing yourself for something you didn't cause, and lack the power to undo, is unfair to you. (Published 10/18/16)

Q:

I wrote a tribute to my best friend who just died. The truth is, we were friends for many years, lived about 2 feet away from each other for about 15 years, but this friend often treated me very badly. She stopped talking to me when HER DOG BIT MY CHILD because she was paranoid that I reported her to the Health Dept. I didn't; the hospital does. She didn't speak to me for 15 years, reappeared over the phone, and we spoke daily for two years. Then, one terrible thing after the other happened to her, and she became very nasty to me. But I continued to listen because I knew she was grieving over her husband. One day, when my life was also in jeopardy, I told her to stop calling me. She had lost it, and everyone else told me to do it, and they were right. But she continued to not eat, drink instead, and she died. I know this is not my fault, but I can't forgive myself. I wrote her a letter in my journal, saying, "I am so sorry." I have had many losses, but I am having a lot of trouble forgiving myself for telling her off.


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Workshops & Training Schedule

The Grief Recovery Institute ® offers Certification Training programs for those who wish to help grievers.

    April 2017
    Indianapolis, IN - April 7-10, 2017
    Princeton, NJ - April 7-10, 2017
    Reading, Berkshire, England - April 21-24, '17
    Denver, CO - April 21-24, 2017
    Vancouver, BC, Canada - Apr 28-May 1,'17
    San Francisco, CA - Apr 28-May 1,'17
    May 2017
    Seattle, WA - May 5-8, 2017
    Dallas, TX - May 5-8, 2017
    Milwaukee, WI - May 19-22, 2017
    Torquay, Devon, England - May 19-22, '17
    Regina, SK, Canada - May 19-22,'17
    Los Angeles, CA - May 19-22, 2017

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